I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
