If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
