dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Is Oprah even human
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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