my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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