A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
