It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
