is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you win again, gameday.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
