ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I AM VODKA MAN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize