Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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