I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
