Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
