babies were throwing up all over the place
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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