You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
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I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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