I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
