I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
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you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
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I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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