he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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