dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
