I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
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Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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