he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
