Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
