Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
