i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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