It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
