Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
