Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
