So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
