Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
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Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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