So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
