At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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