put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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