um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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