Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
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