wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
