Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
