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i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
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