remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
21 MILFs That Made The Boys Crazy
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO