can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
