dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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