Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need a beard to bite.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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