You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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