In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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