How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
