ugly people sure do ruin things
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
