hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
