Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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