Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
