Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
