omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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