census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
