You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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