He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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