none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
NoShamevember. You game?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
