And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I looked at my own cervix.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
