Bisexual people are plain selfish.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
