he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
