Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up under a house in Key West
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
