Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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