i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize