I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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