Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
