I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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