Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
