i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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