Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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