I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
