i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
