Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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