last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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