his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
