hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
