My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
