i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Can you bring me the toilet please
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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