did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
