Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
