got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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