a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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