im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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