it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
