I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
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His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
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you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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