I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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