I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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