Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
